lively & loved deeply.

Eczema is one of the worst skin diseases.
I used to be insecure having it when I was young.
My face used to be covered with white spots after my skin got tanned whenever I came back from camping, hiking or marching.

Simply to say, my skin is freaking damn sensitive.

Sometimes, I could see my skin peeled off from my face or the back of my hands and palms.
Sometimes, my face, my arms or my legs got itchy.
I intended to scratch until it bleeded.
Scars would suddenly appear on my skin.

People would asked me, "what happened to your face?" and I had to explain the same answer all over again.

It got worst when I had to explain about my skin condition to people who didn't have the interest to know or hardly understood the medical terms to the point that I had to say, "I fell down." or "It's acne scars."

Even though the scars were way different than the acne scars, I had to lie about it because I was dead tired trying to explain it again.

It got even worst when my mom kept mention about my face even though she knew it's common symptoms due to eczema.
Truly, I love how she tried her best to spend some of her money to buy a cream that would treat my skin better.

It took a year or so to heal the scars and I really held my patient tightly.

I had a rough time handling this situation.
I woke up and stared at the mirror for a long time just to think, when will it gets better?
When will I be beautiful like others?
Would someone fall in love with this kind of appearance?
I was so scared.

...

Years have passed and I overcame my insecurity.
Though, I didn't manage to heal my skin,
at least I managed to heal my feelings.
People who loved me the way I am have made me feel beautiful.

Don't get me wrong.
I'm still trying to treat my skin because I want to.
Not because I have to.

Confidence is a big deal.
I want to be confidence from the outside as much from the inside.

It's good to be surrounded by good people and good vibes.
Not because I'm a teacher but because I'm a human.
Just like you.
And proud of it.

...

It's useless to see little of my imperfections,
when others are struggling the most throughout their imperfections.
Those who lived with disabilities and hardships.
They are the one who need insecurity as much as I need it the most.

Therefore, I'm grateful and wish to help them in the future.
I may not endure the same disabilities or hardships as they are,
but I know how it feels of being insecure.

Insyaa Allah, one day.
They won't feel that way anymore.
Amin.

since 1999.

To see the sun sets from the distance of my house.

To hear the birds chirping in the evening.

To be mesmerized by the constellation of stars and the moon from the bottom of the earth.

To feel overwhelm by the children's laughter.

To always smile when meeting the neighbours. 🌹

...

A few years back then,

there weren't congested roads.

Everyone knew each other in the neighbourhood.

Our place was surrounded by forest.

It was so beautiful and decent to look at it.

...

Imagined that.

I lived here for almost 18 years.

The tree that my parents buried next to my house when I was 4 years old,

grew as big as their heart is.

...

Things changed from time to time.

The economy began to rise.

The trees began to fall.

People started to rob and break into someone's house.

Children began to smoke in the early age.

The park was occupied by adults rather than by children.

...

The neighbourhood.

It looks happy from the outside,

but empty in the inside.

...

No offence.

I still love this neighbourhood,

but I wish it was the way it is.

Just a brief thought.

...

Anyway, live your life to the fullest.

naissss

I spend most of my time alone. 

lachrymose.

...

I don't talk much, but when I do... I talk a lot.

...

I just wish that people could realize that everyone is nice.

...

but because there are choices in life...

then nice doesn't seem nice at all.