to be loved deeply.

They said, if you love somebody, set them free.
They said, sometimes things didn't work out because there will be someone better for us.
They said, we're not meant to be together or maybe we were meant to be together in the future.
They said, he's just not that into you.
They just simply said it.

They never told me that it's so beautiful to get to know someone; up-close.
In spite of that, it's aching to know that you will be forsaken one day.
And that day, is the day that you will never forget.

For the first three days, I cried like hell.
I was lost for words.
I finally knew, he lost his muse for me.
All this time, I was living in denial.
I kept telling to myself that he didn't have time for me because he was busy with his work.
But the truth is, he just didn't have time for me because he just didn't want to make time for me.

Weeks have passed by and I stopped crying.
Instead, I stared to nowhere and kept thinking of what he said was true.
I overlooked my faults and it was my faults to begin with.
I was feeding my mind with sadness and loneliness.
That took me by surprised.

I almost lost hope.

Then, there's them.
My friends pulled me out from the pit.

I cut my hair.
I ran 4 miles.
I started gardening.
I wanted to learn how to breathe again.

And I finally did.

What makes me different from others?
I intend to overlook my faults because I try my best to make good memories with him.
I couldn't find his flaws because I've seen the littlest good things about him.

But to hear from someone that I trust for a longest time and wanting me to admit that I did tons of mistakes in his entire life was a heartbreaking.
At the same time, I reflect upon it.

No. I couldn't hate him.
We had a life together.
To be loved wholeheartedly was an unforgettable fortunate event.

Though we may parted ways, but we'll meet again in the future.
Who knows and only God knows it all.
Insyaa Allah.
Even if he didn't want to see me as someone he used to care, well...
at least, hopefully he will see me as someone who is reliable.